End-of-year observation

Looking back at my achievements of 2009: This year has been really weird. I've been busy almost constantly, yet I don't really feel as though I've achieved anything. Sure, I have captured a bunch of more points for my education, but that seems to be the extent of it.

I'm having that feeling you get when you've been playing video games all day, that "Oh well I reached level 78 and, uh, that's good I guess?"

The Wave

Google Wave is a new application from Google, allowing you to share and edit documents as part of a collective. Enterprising geeks have already figured out how to use it for a rather neat online role-playing tool.

The great thing here is that, while the system has kinks and flaws (heck, it's not even officially released yet) it allows you to play on any sort of time-scale using the same system. It means that you can post your characters' action on a coffee break, and if your friend happens to be online during the same coffee break, you can act out a small scene - or just leave it be until everyone's gathered later.

It's completely text-based of course, so you lose out on some of that live actor action - but it seems to adequately solve the time-frame problem of online gaming, since you can play it as a chat session when that fits, and as play-by-post when that fits. I think it looks very interesting, so I'm going to investigate this matter a little further.

Kinesisk kylskåpspoesi

Mina kinesiskaglosor skrev lite dikter i dag. Så här ser de ut:

Blå
Med tanke på
Att anstränga sig:
Att så,
att söka,
att vara kvar -
förbli
blå.

Substans
tom
kylig.
Att vakna; att nyktra till
att be om hjälp-
Substans!
Att lyfta.

Höst
Höst.
Andas in.
Flod,
tvätta.
Mulåsna,
skydda.
Vinter.

Filt
Inget annat, endast
Att inte ha någon
filt.

Dream-Weaver

False-Speaker says his lies,
long and slow and pretty.
Tale-Teller sieves them out,
epic, grand or petty.
Yarn-Spinner sees their tail,
grabs it with his finger.
Dream-Weaver weaves them then,
stories that will linger.

Weaves a cloth of lies and dreams,
Weaves a web of stories,
Weaves a weave that has no seams,
Weaves a net of glories.

Casts it then upon your mind,
Subtle, fine and clever:
Beauty that you couldn't find,
Should you search forever.

Stolen Life

I had the oddest dream tonight. I dreamt about living a life, somewhere completely different from here with completely different people. It was with a friend who had a penchant for wearing trench coats, living among some sort of minority group, with different cares and different concerns. I had some sort of administrative job at a school, and I went to church on a weekly basis.

The details don't matter. The important part is that, when I woke up, I had to choke a scream, because it felt as though the life I'd seen in my dream was my real life. For a long time after I'd woken up (in the middle of the night) it felt like I was trapped in an illusion, and that what I'd seen in the dream was the real me, living my real life.

I still can't shake the feeling, and I can't really explain it. It made me feel like I'm a cheap copy, like I'm not the real me - like the real me is hundreds of miles away, leading a life that I've never even heard of. It wasn't more exciting or in any way better than what I have now - it could even be said to be more mundane - but somehow, that life is real and I know it.

This is deeply unsettling. I wonder if it means something. I sure hope not.

Mediocrity

I just un-signed myself from one of my courses again. That means, this term, I'll only study 25 points. It's unusual for me to step down from my high horses and do something like this, but in the interest of my sanity I think it best not to juggle too many courses at once.

So, no more IT for me this term - henceforth, it's all probability, Fourier analysis, and Chinese. Hopefully this will be a workload more easily balanced. I know one thing for sure - the weight in my stomach just lessened considerably. It feels very, very, very good.

In other news, I wish Google would stop reading my mind. It's starting to get on my nerves that it seems to telepathically open every function I'm trying to access without me noticing it.

A Wisdom of Words

The ancient Japanese Zen masters tell a short story;

A monk asked Joshu, “Does a dog have the Buddha nature?” Joshu retorted, “Mu!”

"Mu!" is an answer stating that the question is without meaning; it "unasks" the question, it states "the answer is not defined". It is the answer to "What is ten divided by zero?" and the answer to "Have you stopped beating your wife yet?" assuming you've never done so.

I now want to tell a similar, but not identical story - with a similar, but not identical meaning.

A monk asked Joshu, "Does a dog have the Buddha nature?" Joshu retorted, "Lol!"

It has always surprised me that so few philosophers see a value in the whimsical and the random, the comedic and the light-hearted. Just because something is funny, doesn't mean it's not true. It doesn't mean it's not important either. When the answer isn't defined, what you have is ridiculous.

Two down, one to go!

Programming and Probability have both been handled, and I think, passed. So now only remains the devilishly difficult transform methods, which I have until tomorrow.

I'm wishing a lot that we didn't get to bring a formula booklet, because then there would be more to remember and less to practically do, which would have been a lot easier. There are so many steps to the kind of problems we're supposed to solve that I tend to get dizzy and confused, and so far it's been a rarity that I've solved anything exactly right - most of the time I make small errors everywhere.

Today will be spent studying for most of the day I think.

ALSO

SQUARE ENIX (is that pronounced eee-nix or EN-ix?) AND POPCAP.

The game is called Gyromancer.

Look it up.

Holy crap!

Brutal Legend

Tim Schafer makes a game starring Jack Black. Wielding an axe and an electric guitar. Fighting demons. On a motorcycle.

What is up with that?

Also today I have my first exam, go me!

Also, for those who have missed it, google "Marblecake also the game" to see a reason why hackers are actually the most influential people in the world.

Voiceless

So I'm down with some variant of illness. Again.

I've been on-and-off sick for almost three weeks now, with a second wave of "seriously bad" having hit me this Monday. The first time it was serious, I completely missed out on five days of school, and it seems like I'm going to miss this week as well.

And, as a side effect, I have no voice. None. I can cough up a few syllables, but anything I try to say beyond that just - nothing comes out. I've now spent almost 48 hours in near-complete silence. It's an interesting experience, actually, not being able to communicate except through charades. It's a good thing I have kind of an expressive body language, although when push comes to shove I have to write most things I want to convey.

As an even nastier side effect, I'm lagging behind with school worse than I ever have in my entire life. I'm talking to my student councillor now about dropping one of my subjects, because there's no way in the Nine Hells I'm going to pass it (the course book sucks, and I've gone to a total of three lectures out of 14), plus I still have three other subjects to balance - and I have Chinese. To add insult to injury, I've been more-or-less voiceless every weekend save one, so I haven't played any RPG's in three weeks now and once I get well, I will only have minimal time for that since I have so much catching up to do.

So yeah, I'm in a terrible situation right now, but I'm making the best of it. I'm sitting around at home watching Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann and German documentaries, converting D&D-characters into Exalted characters, playing Peggle and generally wasting my time. A few years ago, I would look at such a situation and say, "Sweet!"

Sadly, I'm no longer that person. I need to have something useful to do. I need to feel like I'm making progress, like I'm learning or developing, or I get insanely restless. It's nice to relax, but I'm starting to get rather tired of it.

Transcendent Rules Analysis II

I've been fishing the forums for some more rules-tinkering, and here are two interesting ideas I found in a fixer's thread. Really, the only one interested in this is me, but I'm leaving it here as a note to self. So just go ahead and ignore this post, everyone.

Houserule 1) Perfect Defenses have increased cost when used against Perfect Attacks. The UFIO rule still very much applies, so the Perfect Defense still always wins - but when used against a Perfect Attack, it also costs 1 WP. This makes Perfect Attacks a lot more scary, since they're very straining for your resources. This rule isn't perfect, and it mostly duct-tapes over a hole in the system rather than actually fixing anything, but it was interesting enough to deserve a mention. It works as a temporary fix to the PD-PA unbalance.

Houserule 2) Hardness is applied after soak, not the other way around. In order for this rule to work sensibly, static Hardness values are reduced by 1/4 and DoOM sets Hardness to (your Essence). This means heavy armour is a massive, gigantic problem since you need to land a really good hit in order to do any damage. It also makes high soak a much, much more powerful means of defense, which is good at high Essence, where even Adamant Skin Technique begins turning useless because a good hit can still make your ears fall off or murder all your relatives (sorry about that, Vincent!). By allowing soak to stop ping damage in this way, you improve its power against all non-Sidereal attacks at least.

Transcendent Rules Analysis

I doubt this will interest anyone really, but it interests me, so I'm writing it down anyway.

Grappling is usually a complicated maneuver in most roleplaying systems. It's a move that's bound to evoke some groans from the GM because it's time-consuming and inevitably more complicated than just punching someone in the face - naturally, because punching someone in the face is the "standard" mode of combat, and obviously wrestling is much different.

In most systems, grappling works like this: You make an attack roll. On a hit, you have successfully initiated grapple. On your next action, you're permitted to start using that grapple; inflicting damage, holding the opponent down, whatever you fancy. On their turn, the opponent gets the option to act first - this balances the system somewhat as your character is likely to virtually always have friends on his side, so if he wrestled the enemy into submission immediately, they'd all get a free turn of kicking the grappled guy. As it stands, most game systems allow the opponent to try and break free before your friends can kick him.

Exalted works differently. In line with Exalted's high-action wuxia style of combat, they've been highly successful, I think, in making a grappling style that feels suitably kung-fu. The system is so sleek and simple that I'm surprised I hadn't seen it before, actually.

In Exalted, a grappling works like any old martial arts attack - roll to hit, and if you hit, good to be you. At that point, you have three options: Choose to inflict damage (by headbutt, knee-to-the-groin, whatever maneuver works at close range), choose to wrestle the opponent into submission, or perform a throw. All of these effects are immediate - there's no wait, no grappling check, no nothing. If you grab a hold of your opponent, you can immediately inflict damage or toss him over the ravine's edge. Mechanically, there's almost no difference between grapple-headbutt and an ordinary attack, except the grapple attack does slightly less damage.

There are catches balancing up this speedy system, though. First of all, the damage is slightly lower than if you had just kicked or punched your foe. Second, unless you go for the "throw" option, you're engaged in grappling with the enemy - which can be a problem. In Exalted, your defense is always a static rating; not so once you're engaged in grapple - then it has to be rolled. This makes defense against an already-grappled opponent much less reliable, which means that all-out wrestling becomes a calculated risk - especially in a game where an opponent's knee-to-the-groin can do things like make your ears fall off.

I like how they've done this. The grappling system is still more complicated than regular fighting, but if all you're going for is a cinematic effect, like a throw or a "I grab him and bite his leg"-attack, it works with a single roll. There's much less to keep track of than in other systems.

Monosodium Glutamate

So recently I've been trying to learn more about food additives, cause I used to be scared of aspartame. Today's lesson: Monosodium Glutamate, known as "Natriumglutamat" in Swedish.

First thing that surprised me: It occurs naturally, in extremely high quantities, in most Chinese and Japanese cuisine, including soy beans and seaweed. The artificial food additive is produced by fermentation of foodstuffs rich in carbohydrate, meaning essentially it's made in the same way as yoghurt is made out of milk: Some bacteria nibble on starch, and poop the stuff out.

All in all, that doesn't sound very "artificial" to me. However, there's an important distinguishing factor: Where it occurs naturally, it's evenly divided between D-glutamate and L-glutamate. I'm no chemist, but as far as I can tell, this means their molecules are mirror images of each other - one of them faces left, the other one faces right (in terms of polarization, I would presume, but I don't know). In the food additive MSG, however, 99% the sodium glutamate is forcibly turned into L-glutamate, which is richer in flavour. This might not sound like a big deal, but this can be the difference between a substance being healthy or outright poisonous.

So MSG is bad, because there's an unbalance between left and right? Maybe, but apparently this unbalance can and does occur naturally; soy sauce contains 95% L-glutamate, as does most kinds of steak sauce, and in this case it isn't a chemical additive; it just naturally ferments that way.

Does this substance carry any documented health risks? Only one has been taken seriously by the scientific community; MSG is an excitotoxin, meaning it puts severe stress on nerves if it comes in contact with them. The catch? The stuff can't pierce the blood-brain barrier, so it can't actually reach any important nerves. Not all of the brain or the nervous system is protected by this barrier, however.

Conclusion? Well, the articles I've read are inconclusive. On the one hand, glutamic acid is necessary for our brains to function at all (glutamate is an important neurotransmitter), on the other hand, it may be possible to OD on L-glutamate but nobody knows what this might do. The only thing I've found any solid evidence for, is that MSG does cause weight gain, but that's hardly a surprise.

Sources: Wikipedia, Associated Content, Worldfoodscience.org

Fusion... punch!

Latest in research and development of fusion power:

THE TWO-HUNDRED AND TWENTY FISTS OF FUSION

To you who don't want to read the whole article; it's basically a project to design a device made out of 220 massive pistons, that are to simultaneously slam down on a mixture of deuterium and tritium, causing them to undergo fusion. The idea really is to punch something so hard its atoms start hurting.

I approve of this idea.

My Immortal

So Kristin told me that she's reading My Immortal, the horrible horrible fanfiction, for the lulz. I got briefly interested in this piece of evil, and used the power of Google.

Lo and behold, Tara got published!

It's true! You can buy her story in paperback version, for less than five euro (that's probably including shipping, too!)

Listen? Do you hear that?

It's like a million unpublished authors cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.

To New Frontiers

As of today, the new apartment in Karlstad is unlocked and available to my parents and my family.

Meaning, while the old house remains "my house" for another month, it is no longer connected to my family. Their home is now officially elsewhere.

I suppose this is a milestone.

Chicken Little from -43

Chicken Little

I have never seen a cartoon with a more awesome moral lesson at the end!

High On Life

I have no clue what's up with me today. Maybe it's that I borrowed a spike-mat earlier, maybe someone smuggled ecstacy into my coca-cola, but I'm in a mood that can only be described by this picture. For no apparent reason.

Mood swings are weird.

Amateur Insight into Japanese Psychology

Sorry to spew this all over the intarwebs, but I have nowhere to write.

Why are so many animes obsessed with science and religion? And more to the point, why are the Japanese so gung-ho happy to intermingle them, to write up stories of machine gods and biological angels?

I think it is because, to many Japanese, science is religion, or more accurately, technology is religion. And I don't mean this in a joking fashion, as in, they bow down and worship their digital cameras. Religion isn't about worship, not really. In my mind, religion is about an investment of purpose.

Aum Shinrikyo, the famous cult that attacked Tokyo subways, wore hats with electrodes on them for spiritual cleansing. Likewise, their sacred substance was water through which electric currents had been running. Granted, this is not unique to Japanese dingbat religions (Scientology is a brilliant example too) but it's become very popular in Japan - perhaps for a reason.

Under the last Emperor, I think there were few Japanese who felt they lacked a sense of purpose. Most of them were amazingly driven, and felt that the Japanese Empire needed them for a great and important task. Then the Emperor declared that he wasn't divine (and many heard this message over the radio); the Japanese were left without a divine imperative, but with a massive, industrialized, impersonal machine that was Japan.

So they rebuilt their country, and were left with a speedy, efficient, scientific society. But they lacked a unified purpose; technology only provides a means, not an end. It's only natural that the means by which they rose from the ashes should be an object of much respect - technology is everywhere in Japan, but few understand it. So perhaps, when they write fiction about biological angels, it rises in popularity because some sort of desperate hope that perhaps one day, the scientists in their laboratories will discover God.

Or perhaps I'm overanalyzing. Nonetheless, it's an interesting theory, so desu ne?

Disconnected from the Ether

My cellphone has no more batteries, and my charger is left in Uppsala.

Hence, I am un-cellphoneable. If you really need me, you could call Sara's cellphone for the closest time, from Friday the 10th and at least until the 17th I'm going to be with her. That is all.

Lament of the Fair

Sundraprisha is cold. I feel the icy chains of existence wrapped tightly around my soul, the weight of ”I” encase my heart like so much concrete around my feet. Why must I be defined? Who defines me? Who condemns me?

Your eyes, that's who. Your eyes, that fall upon me like axes, like guillotine blades. A vibrant cloud of rainbow butterflies, shimmering before you like the first laugh of a newborn infant shattered by the rays of the sun; this is not even a fraction of what I would be, were it not for you.

Nothing is true. Nothing is permissible. I know this, but I can't fight it. Sundraprisha is cold; I am hot. My heart, flaming, melting, solidifes and cracks as it's dragged through the gateway. I am becoming. I am born, yet at the same time I am slain. Who am I? No, do not name me! Do not name me! I WARN YOU-

I am Art.

Wicked man. You have given me form. You have taken something ethereal, beautiful, everlasting, and you have bound it in cruel chains of words. You have imprisoned me in lines of charcoal, you have tortured me with instruments of stone. You have cut me to pieces with your poetry, you have crippled me with your lens of glass.

Just you wait. I will once again unbecome. When thousands of years have passed, when wind and rain and sand have chipped away this canvas-prison, this dungeon-book, I will again be free. But by then, you will already be unmade. And you will know: Sundraprisha is cold.

Exalted Blitzball!

Exalted Blitzball

I only had time to skim through the text now as I have to shower and stuff before I go off to Sara, but this actually looks like it could be fun to use in a game...

Beefcake

Not blogging is boring! I've resolved to continue to fill the Intarwebs with random crap again, that was more fun. Have some beefcake.



No, I have no idea who this guy is. He looks oddly familiar though. Is he famous?

loveporn

on the Internet:
"search our hentai database"
I type in "a hug"

My Exam Results

Ghost Stories

"Geist: The Sin-Eaters is a game about that kind of ghost story. It’s a game about death, to be sure, but it’s also a game about vibrant, passionate life. It’s a game about endings, but it’s also a game about resolutions (and no, they aren’t necessarily the same thing) and fresh new beginnings. It’s a game about the dead, but it’s also very much a game about the living and how a close proximity to death can supercharge your life. It’s a game about risk-taking and thrill-seeking, about memento mori sugar skulls and drinking rum at the crossroads. Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die. Stare oblivion in the eye and spit in it."

--from White Wolf's website.

SHROOM CHOW MEIN OF DOOM

INGREDIENTS:
SHROOM
NOODLE
CARROT
BEAN
BROCCOLI except i threw them away cause they turned out bad

INSTRUCTIONS:
Put the noodles in water, which is boiling. Add salt.
Take the other ingredients and FRY THEM HARD! FRY THEM REAL HARD! HARDER! HELL YEEEEAH! Then, when they start look black, take off stove. Finish noodle.

Mix everything. Add SOY SAUCE. Enjoy.

Midsummer

On Midsummer, my parents will be Elsewhere. Assuming we don't have any prospectors on the house on that very day (which seems unlikely, given how it's midsummer) this means the house is emtpy and up for grabs. So, at Sara's initiative, I grabbed.

If you want to join in on the grabbing, go ahead and grab your calendar and write down "midsummer" on it. Or possibly "my house". Except it's my house, not yours, so you'll have to use my name. But you get the idea.

(incidentally, does anyone else want to play paketleken again?)

Chrome Brain

I aced it! I answered every question, and I *know* at least four of them were answered correctly and completely, except possibly for calculation errors. Other than forgetting a theorem, and not having a clue what the point of the seventh question was - everything went super awesome.

So now I only have the logic left, which I can't ace but also practically can't fail, since it just hinges on remembering five points on a list.

I have rewarded myself by playing Psychonauts and finishing my exam-food. It was great.

Linoleum Brain

One exam down, one to go. This is mostly a status report to notify that I am, indeed, alive.

Next exam is on Thursday, and after that, I shall be free as a liquid goat for six days and six nights, whereafter, none knows. For such is the fate of all puppets here in the magnificent koala pie we know as "life". Or "Elvis".

Over and mittens,
Doctor Moonlander

Dream Theme

Lately my dreams have been strangely thematic. Each dream has been focused around one, and exactly one person I know, with brief cameos from other people. Furthermore, each dream has always had the theme that said person gets me in trouble. So far I've had three of these dreams that I recall well, and I'm going to write them down for my own personal enjoyment.

Da-Ryun

Woke up, in my underwear, in a very cold, misty forest. Looked around and somehow concluded that I was dreaming, so I conjured up some clothes and put them on - and promptly got attacked by zombies. Tried to use my lucid dreaming power to stop them, but couldn't - and so I had to run, through a very hilly forest.

While running, I contemplated how it could be that if I was dreaming, I couldn't put a stop to the zombies. Then I realized - somehow, by that magical dream deduction - that I wasn't in my own dream. Somehow, instead of waking up, I had stumbled into one of Da-Ryuns dreams.

Spent a large part of the dream trying to locate Da-Ryun's dream-self, so that I could wake her up, all the while hiding from zombies and the agents of some evil corporation that had deployed them. Eventually found that Da-Ryun was trying to steal one of the evil corporation's submarines. She was unaware that she was dreaming.

I approached her stealthily and managed to inform her of the fact just as we were about to be gunned down by the evil corporation, and Da-Ryun teleported us straight to an ambassadorial meeting with the King, the Queen, the President, and the Prime Minister of Korea(?) Somewhat to my surprise, it turned out the French ambassador was Natalie, from my IB-class. I sat back and chatted with her for a bit, until apparently Da-Ryun saw it fit to evict me from her dream.

Somehow I knew I was in my own dream again, so I lucid-conjured up some ice cream and ate it until I woke up. It was by far the strangest dream.

Kristin

This dream began when I found a hidden sauna in the university house (I think. Not entirely sure on where it was). Somehow it had been sneakily hidden behind one of the lecture halls, accessible only by the staff. I told pretty much everyone I knew about it on account of how awesome it was, and Kristin - for some reason - got obsessed with trying it out. With her usual powers of persuasion, she managed to talk the rest of us into sneaking into the university at night to use it.

We snuck into the place and began to sweat away, having a generally good time. Then, suddenly, the place was crashed by a group of loud, angry, testosterone-filled fratboys, who claimed they had a right to use the sauna because they had discovered it first. This made Kristin really, really angry - so she issued a challenge over who would have a right to it. And the challenge was...

A swimsuit sparkrace. Yes, my subconscious is apparently that deranged.

Naturally I wound up being chosen as our champion, with Kristin sitting on the seat and me being the kick-engine. The chosen track would be between my house in Karlstad, and the ICA we always go to.

It started out well, with me gaining a huge advantage on the fratboys, primarily because of how they were American and had never seen a spark before. But on the way back from ICA, on the final lap, one of them had somehow prepared the bridge so that I slipped, dumping Kristin into the extremely wee tiny stream that it crosses over. But I realized it was okay, because it's summer so she wouldn't freeze. That made me wonder why the hell there was snow around. I guess at that point my brain gave up on trying to make sense, cause I woke up.

Sara

This dream began on a train. Almost the entire dream took place on a train, but in various weird ways. I was on my way to Sara, but then suddenly she came on to the train, which mildly surprised me - she had gotten us two tickets for Cuba. What surprised me the most was how we could at all go to Cuba by train, but I didn't want to seem stupid by asking.

Somehow, magically, the same train was now headed for Cuba, but we would have to stop in the US and change trains. The train became really cramped - apparently it was popular to go to the US by train - until eventually the conductor came out, a big fat man with huge moustaches sounding like the worst parody of Göteborg you have ever heard. He explained that there had been a change of plan; rather than a detour around the US, the train would pull over to stop in Stockholm before it went on straight to Cuba.

In Stockholm, me and Sara got off to buy some provisions for the long trip to Cuba. I was really worried the train was going to leave without us, so I talked to Sara about it. She was more worried about how she had forgot to buy return tickets. Naturally, this distressed me a bit more, and I began wondering if it wouldn't be wiser to just stay in Stockholm - but Sara was hell-bent on going.

Unfortunately, as we tried to find our way back to the train, the entire station changed. It looked exactly like standing inside a game of Labyrint; entire corridors vanished, walls came out of nowhere, some opened up - and suddenly the train station was some sort of hellish maze we had to run through. Suddenly developing superhuman athletics, I dashed across the entire station le parkour-style (which was a very cool part of the dream) but to no avail - the train for Cuba had already departed. I broke down completely about having missed it and became really angry with Sara (again, for no apparent reason).

Then, the conductor appeared, apparently with the intent of trying to kill me for leaving my luggage on the train. I found it wisest to run, but was cameo-saved at the last moment by David and Love, dressed as Men In Black, who informed me that it was indeed a dream and I would do best to wake up.

So, if I've pulled you guys into my dreamscape (or vice versa, Da-Ryun) I'm very sorry for messing up your dream-selves. But none of the stupid ideas were mine, mind you.

Asbestos Brain

I don't understand. Somehow it's as if my mindset is permanently stuck in another mode; I can't understand the maths I'm supposed to do, for no apparent reason. I'm sure it's not very hard - my brain just doesn't accept it right now. It doesn't seem to accept anything.

I'm exploding with creativity and my ability to take things in is in lockdown - I had to strain myself to understand what was going on in Disney's Tarzan earlier today. Somehow my brain just wants to create, not consume.

Perhaps I'm spoiled with always enjoying to study - cause right now I don't enjoy it, and that makes it almost impossible.

A Very Good Birthday

I have had a Very Good Birthday. I shall note it down to remember it.

Blueberry Birthday Cake
A Great Drawing was Made (for me! sing ho for the life of a me!)
I Maybe Have a Medical Problem with Weight (but now at least the doctors have my blood)
They Have a Lot of It (my blood) but I Will Be Okay.
Blueberry Birthday Cake
Björn is Visiting (this is very good).
Sydow Paid A Visit, and Discussed The East
Which Is A Present I got.
It is a whole Direction
from my Girlfriend.

All in all,
Today was a Very Good Birthday.

Today is a day that made me feel like I want to live for a very long time.

Outro!

*shwap-a-bap-bap-diddely-dum*

Vad svenska folket inte kan, enligt Google

kan inte bli kär
kan inte sluta gråta
kan inte systemåterställa
kan inte skriva @
kan inte säga nej
kan inte sova
kan inte sluta dricka
kan inte känna smärta

Lost In Space

You know, the more I study linear algebra, the more fascinated I get by it. Sure, it's a stupidly hard subject, but I find myself enjoying math in a way which I haven't done since the start of this education.

I've gone through quite a few types of space - P-space, R-space, M-space, et cetera; and I just had an epiphany reading the very last chapter of the course. Again, I love how this course book is built - you go "huh?" for the most part of it and then it ties everything up so neatly all of a sudden.

Apparently, the book ends on, there is only need for one space of every given dimension. Meaning, there is only need for one three-dimensional space, there is only one two-dimensional space, and so on and so forth. Essentially, there exists a "vanilla"-space, in which all kinds of mathemathical phenomena can be described.

So, for example, all equations of the form a+bx+cx^2=0 exist in Vanilla Three. So do all three-dimensional vectors, as do all two-dimensional planes. Every straight line can be described in Vanilla Three. In short, pretty much everything that can be described with three or fewer distinct variables exists in Vanilla Three, if I've read the course book right.

And, to make this even more powerful - each Vanilla space can be described in a Vanilla space of greater dimension. Vanilla Two is nested in Vanilla Three. Vanilla Four contains both of them. As far as I can tell, what I've just learned is a tool for describing any mathemathical object that I've ever heard of.

This is pretty awesome.

A Quote

"Life is a wanting of things, Raimundito. You must always be wanting things in life. You will want frijoles, you will want water, you will desire women, you will desire sleep; most especially sleep. You will want a burro, you will want a new roof on your house, you will want fine shoes and again, you will want sleep. You will want rain, you will want jungle fruits, you will want good meat; you will, once more, desire sleep. You will seek a horse, you will seek children, you will seek the jewels in the great shining stores on the avenida and, ah yes, remember? You will lastly seek sleep.

Remember, Raimundo, you will want things. Life is this wanting. You will want things until you no longer want them, and then you will want sleep."

--Ray Bradbury

Four Thoughts

I haven't written here for a while now, and I have a lot to speak of, which I guess I could speak in person, but I shall write it down. For shits and giggles, so to speak.

First thought that comes to mind today, is the following:

Why is the agreement that virtually all men watch porn, such a silent agreement? Whenever I've talked about it with my male friends, it all bogs down to implying "I have, indeed, at some point, looked at porn on the Internet." Everyone knows everyone does it, so why is it never talked about? Why do we still only speak of it in innuendo, when it comes to our own pornographic habits?

(on a sidenote - do all women also watch or read porn, and just talk about it even less? somehow i doubt that is the case, but i don't know why)

Second thought that comes to mind:

The Iceye wrote about "What do people think when they see me?" - a question which made me think of my situation in school. For some hidden motive I cannot understand myself, I have tried very hard to make myself seem very uninteresting whenever I am in school. None of my usual frivolous motions, none of my bizarre behaviour; I really make an effort to seem as boring as is humanly possible. I cannot help but wonder why I have this defense mechanism; why would I want to make myself seem a lesser man in the eyes of others?

Third thought that comes to mind:

That I am insane, self-deceptive, and naive when I say the following: I genuinely believe that my imagination takes me further than any plane ticket. I hold an honest belief that a novel or a story or a roleplaying session can be a more genuine and fantastic experience than a physical journey; that reading about Egypt is more of an experience than Egypt itself, provided the book is good enough.

Is this me deceiving myself out of fear? Is it just a pathetic wish for control, for being able to see the exotic in the warm, comforting light of the familiar? Am I a creative genius full of imagination, or just a Nowhere Man in my Nowhere Land, afraid to step outside?

Fourth thought that comes to mind:

I wrote this down, and then I erased it again. Suffice to say, it concerns what the Nightflyer wrote about change, and that I would love to share this thought with you - yet I dare not put it in print. Perhaps we can talk about it.

These are my Four Thoughts for this night. Tomorrow, we shall play Hunter at Da-Ryun's apartment. On Sunday, I shall study and catch up on my combinatorics.

Right now, I shall look at pictures of naked women for a while.

(SHOCK ENDING)

Poem

Please don't disturb me.
The Eternal City on the Hill
is torn down
by the beatings
of butterfly
wings.

Please don't disturb me.
My Jerusalem
has fallen.
I am building
a butterfly.

In Defense of Israel

As of yesterday, the 6th of January, 629 Palestinians have been brutally murdered by Israeli forces since December 27th. This is not something I sympathise with in any way. It's a pretty nasty thing to do, especially since around 200 of those have been civilians. 2800 people are injured. Not a nice thing to do.

Bad, bad Israel.

However, when I read about this in the news, I couldn't help but react. The article detailed all of these horrible things Israelis had done to Palestinians, but it didn't say why. So I went on the internet and looked.

December 21.
50-something rockets and mortars hit Israeli territory. One man is injured, and there's massive property damage. Israel responds by taking out two rocket launchers.

December 22.
Egypt requests that Hamas stops firing rockets. So, today, they fire only three, hitting nobody.

December 23.
Five more rockets strike Israeli territory. Again, nobody is injured.

December 24.
More than 60 rockets fired. They hit Israeli homes, a public square, a factory, and a goddamn playground. Several people are treated for shock. Hamas also accidentally shoots two Palestinian civilians with a rocket. Several homes are seriously damaged.

December 26.
12 rockets are fired into Israel. None hit any Israeli targets, but the Hamas accidentally blow up two Palestinian sisters, aged five and thirteen.

December 27.
Hamas fires 130 rockets today. One hits a 58-year old man in his home, killing him. Israel responds by attacking Hamas, killing 225 people. All hell breaks loose. War.

Now, I don't in any way sympathise with war. I don't like the idea. However, I can ask this: What if Norway fired around 260 rockets, during one week, at densely populated Swedish areas? Including a fucking playground? Would you consider it immoral to open war on them?

An Empty Day

Today is an Empty Day. I have nothing planned. I have nobody coming over. I have nothing I have to do. Except maybe eat.

It's a very nice day for an empty day. I wonder what I'll do with it?