Friendship is relative. Loneliness is absolute.
It's frightening how such a thing can sneak up on you. I woke up in the middle of the night, my sleep pattern no doubt torn to pieces by my unhealthy habits, and loneliness itself stood at my bedpost, staring me in the eyes. Do not misinterpret me - Loneliness is not about being on one's own. I can handle being all by myself - I even enjoy it a lot more than other people I've met.
This is not the same thing as loneliness. Loneliness is a cold, strange realisation that creeps upon one when it's not expected, the weird realization that, despite ones' best efforts, we are always vulnerable to ourselves. Think about that last sentence. You are always vulnerable to yourself.
Therein, I think, lies the real reason to fear loneliness.
10 kommentarer:
I've always said - the monsters within me scares me the most. That's why showers freaks me out. Since I associate them with to be lonely.
Always. That kinda hurts. Though I can be there for you with long lances. Many of them.
'You are never alone if you can count on yourself to always be there.'
I guess that means courage.
Yeah, I know that feeling.
Would be nice to have a solution, but it seems I'm not very good at those lately.
By the looks of things, I'd say most people suffer from this loneliness, or something similar, about this time of the year.
Not that that makes it any easier, but yeah...
We'll be there.
Yeah, it's natural. Though, doesn't mean it's comfortable. I think it's easier to ignore and light a lamp.
Därute gick hemulerna med stora tunga steg
långt borta hördes mårrans tjut på nattens mörka väg
och dörrar stängdes överallt och alla lampor brann
hos alla stackars skrämda kryp som tröstade varann.
Men vem ska trösta knyttet med att säga ungefär:
på natten blir det hemska mycket värre än det är.
They say it's lonly at the top. I think they forget it's sort of lonly everywhere.
Ignore and light a lamp? My instincts scream that doing so would only encourage severe repressive consequences. I engulf the fear. Open it up, feel it to the deepest I can, dive into the blackness until I'm so afraid that my heart stops beating and I can't breathe and then... it fades. Because when the fear is too great for the mind to understand, it grows out and away from yourself. And I can close my eyes in the darkness and sleep some more, to live to breathe another day.
Iceye, you are an amazing kind of survivor.
and an amazing poet.
At heart, dealing with loneliness is always like this - embracing the fear. We cannot embrace another person without knowing, somewhere in the back of our head, that we will inevitably lose them. Maybe tomorrow, maybe in a hundred years, but it will inevitably happen.
Learning to love is just as frightening as learning to be lonely. In my opinion, at least.
*trying to say something deep and intelligent*
It's not really my favorite subject. Though, it's important. Raised neither to love nor to fear anyone I guess I'm simply supposed to be alone. Maybe that's the result of me surrounding myself with people?
*fails to be deep and intelligent*
Oh well. Vem ska trösta knyttet? over and out.
Hm, I feel sort of "raised neither to love nor to fear" too, though self-chosen. But the difference between the two, I think, is that by embracing fear you get rid of it, while it's the opposite with love. The best way to "not love" the same way one does "not fear" would be to be neutral, no?
But there's a difference between different types of loves and fears too, I guess. The love I have for friends is enough love for me, and the fear I have for lonliness leaves no other fear to be felt.
"Fear one, and you will conquer all other. Love one, and you will lose all other."
And yes, what we try to achieve by surrounding ourselves with people, is often the opposite of what we actually do. On the other hand, they strengthen us in unexpected ways.
Skicka en kommentar