Form and Function

Here's a thought I had:

My entire way of life appears to be a constant battle between usefulness and art, and I seem to be utterly incapable of reconciling them. That is to say, I'm mortally afraid of being useless - and that fear is what has kept me from trying to become an actor professionally - but at the same time, I'm deeply and passionately an artistic person.

This is very annoying. I don't dare to become a professional entertainer, because that would not have enough utility - but on the other hand, it's what I really love doing. Somehow, though, I have this deep-seated contempt for comedians, actors, writers and the like because they're not doing actual work. This is of course utterly unreasonable - entertainers work, often they work much harder than ordinary people. But somehow it doesn't seem like real work to me, and therefore I despise them. I don't wish to become that which I despise, so I've abandoned my notions of becoming an actor, or a game designer, or a writer, in favour of becoming a statistician.

It's weird, though. Why is it that I can't truly respect things that are beautiful but not useful, and conversely I can't passionately love things that are useful, but not beautiful?