Tonight, I had many dreams.
I dreamt about Megan - about remembering her as a person, as a friend. About hanging out with her in the US. I dreamt about the US as a country, too. I dreamt about Tingvallagymnasiet, I dreamt about talking to a man breaking down crying in the seat next to mine in a lecture hall. I dreamt about some medieval fair, and people walking around with cardboard swords. I dreamt of watching anime with a group of people, and singing along in the theme song.
I dreamt about all this, and more. And when I woke up, it didn't feel like a dream.
More, it felt like I'd just lost a grasp on reality. And this made me think; I'm not going to pull the Taoist "Am I a man dreaming I am a butterfly?" again, but honestly - those dreams roused more emotions than I've felt in almost six months now. They made me feel more alive than I've felt since I started studying maths.
And isn't feeling what matters, when you boil it all down? Isn't what you feel that's important about your life? Feelings are the only things that prove to us reality exists, or at least that reality exists as something more than shapeless, empty blobs. It doesn't matter whether or not I call ice cream "ice cream" or "hammersalt", so long as there's joy in eating it.
I'm not saying I've been emotionally dead the last six months. But I could be so much more alive.
I think I've forgotten how.
4 kommentarer:
I'll come and save you :D
Little Xiao to the rescue!
The wintery darkness is killing you no more. *throws dreampowder*
Sounds like you need a break.
So I'll see you at Christmas, and we'll do a dance.
A BREAKDANCE THAT IS
DO YOU LIKE MY CHEAP PUN I SURE DO
I had a dream last night I won a big Chinese fish in too small a bowl. Since it was a delicacy, I had too eat it. Alive. It was ugly, too, but tasty. I can't remember eating it. But I did.
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